Sunday, March 2, 2008

Retrato Perfeito





A sprawling campus sharing its ground with the prestigious Hare School in one of the oldest educational piazzas of Pre Independent India. Looming architecture amidst a fading decadence and utilitarian match boxes dwellings, still exuding the radiance of sheer intellectual brilliance.

I don’t remember the first time I heard of this place. Neither do I remember ever considering this place after fourteen years in the posh private girls’ school. As I spent hours on the phone discussing future plans with one of my friends I remember hearing some warnings about a culture shock and possible adjustment problems.

There was an entrance exam. And that was the first hurdle. Students applying to economics were to be tested on two fundamental subjects, Math and English; two subjects I positively adored on account of them requiring minimal preparation.


The exam went well, apparently. It was a hectic ten days in New Delhi, all alone, grappling with admission forms and long queues. The St. Stephens College interview didn’t go too well. And the cut offs for the other colleges were to be out in two days. I knew I would clear it. The Stephens cutoffs for interview stage were the highest in the country. I spent my time trying to make a choice between Lady Shriram and Shriram College of Commerce. The former having a better economics department and the latter having a better placement guarantee.

I chose the former, paid the admission fees. Got my ID card photo taken while standing in long queues waiting with other aspirants, making friends along the way.

And then came the phone call from home saying that I had topped the Presidency Entrance Test. Great. This was followed by another series of debates of LSR vs. Presidency. Images of culture shock and a lonely existence with no likeminded people flooded my mind.

But a basic laziness took over. The fact that I would be staying at home and that college would just be a ten minute walk and that I wouldn’t have to look for PG facilities and that life would be much easier in my own city… took precedence over the independence and freedom that I had been craving for the most part of my school life.

And now, eight months in this utopian hamlet and I’ve never been happier. I now know that the freedom that I had longed for was from the fake walls of my school, from the set of friends I had and from the things we valued. I found my kind out here. I found an atmosphere of everything. A cosmopolitan macrocosm where people don’t judge you by what you wear of the brand of English you speak. They judge you by what you do and what you don’t. There’s a feeling of easy camaraderie even amidst the occasional cases of violence, political conflicts and intellectual discussions over cups of lemon tea.

I haven’t dabbled with politics, I haven’t tried smoking pot or even the milder cigarettes, I haven’t participated in any sort of activism. I have participated in a few debates and I have been present always, as a silent observer. Not silent in words but definitely silent in action. I have walked through the hallowed halls breathing in its rich history. I have sat for endless hours on the portico discussing politics with my debating team. I have sat for endless hours in the hallowed Promoddas canteen gossiping and discussing trivialities. I have sat in the greens sipping lebu cha and talking about love with one of my best friends in college. I have stayed late at college on the fest days enjoying rock concerts like I never ever will.

I’ve been really happy for a while now. Abnormally happy! I’ve been happy enough to dance in the rain in front of all the folks in the canteen. Yes. It’s true. I have had the most amazing sleepover one could ever have. I have lived in these past few months. Really lived!

And now that things are falling into place and now that we’re getting used to the novelty of it all, the excitement and euphoria has solidified into a feeling of contentment and satisfaction. I know I’m in the place where I belong.

Sunshine never looked so beautiful.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

:Constantina

We live in the quest for beauty
Beauty that stirs our soul
And moves our heart
Touches our emotions like ever before
We look for her in wild hearted daffodils
In the seagull soaring against
The deep blue skies
And in your blue eyes oh love
in the famous verse
And in the young actress in sepia prints

The last waltz of the bride
In the eyes of the street child
Who just found a dollar
And joy.

Beauty oh beauty
Where art thou hiding?
I search for you everywhere
In concerts and symphonies
In wild flowers and dewdrops
You never show yourself
Except in disguise
You hide in the warmth of brown eyes
And the serenity of 'em blue
Solitude evades you
You live in Chopins energy
And in Beethovens complexities
And mozarts overwhelming passion
And Vivaldi's tempestuous emotions
You rest in Blakes calm logic
And in Eliots silent acceptance
And quiet cynicism
And in Coleridges vivid mind

I found you oh beauty
For you also hid here
In my heart
I found you in me
In my heart.

: Can you hear the north winds whisper?

There there careful

Yeah, you're almost out

Dont be afraid

Being you is the easiest thing

You'll ever do

Dont shy away

I know you're scared

That shell you live in

It's warm and safe

I agree

Completely

But dont you want to see

A million miracles all at once

The sparkling sunshine

The peacocks dance

And the raindrops falling on the tin roof

Pitter patter pitter patter

Like a tap dancer in infinite harmony

Dont you want to hear?

Dont you want to smell

The warm winter sunshine

The rainwashed earth

And the distant land so far away

Has sent a message for you

Can you hear the north winds whisper?

Everyone waits for you

Come out little child

Bare your heart

Bare your mind

it's like dancing in the moonlight

And singing with the winds

Let it go kid

I promise you

Out there lies waiting for you

A beautiful life

La bella vita, kiddo

Make it yours.

:Cackle of questions

Do clouds remind you of cotton wool?

Do you believe in a golden rule?

Do you dance like a nincompoop?

Do you swear by cream of chicken soup?

Do you believe in piercing eyes?

Do you detest long drawn lies?

Do you love that patch of winter sunshine?

And reading aloud beautiful lines?

Do you love the smell of rainwashed earth?

Being happy just like that, an eternity of mirth.

Do you like being silly and mad?

Forgive and forget when things go bad.

Because I sure do.

And if you do too.

We'll have fun, wont we?

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

:Who will bell the cat?

What is it like to be truly at peace with oneself?

What is it like to be truly at peace with one's self?

I sit by the window and let the thoughts swirl by. Is that called being at peace?

Or is it lying on the bed and staring at the ceiling, enjoying the silence, ruptured only by the incessant mechanical sound of the ceiling fan?


Or is it watching the rain?

Life, is a strange thing.

People go around looking for miracles. They look up to someone who can achieve the impossible. Who can make the dead come alive. Or who can walk on water. But the miracle of life evades them. In their constant quest for their "idea" of immortality, they fail to see the immortality all around. In their constant quest for a miracle, they lose sight of the real miracle... they themselves.


It's depressing to see people losing faith in themselves. When a child is born, its glowering belief in itself gives it the beauty of innocence. Innocence is not being oblivious, innocence is not being ignorant... Innocence, is about having belief in oneself... one's self.

And as we grow older, we lose self belief. We become " realistic" or so they say. And we lose the one thing that we should value most... the one thing that sets us apart from any other type of animal... our ability to believe in our self. For it is this self belief that makes us achieve the impossible... scale the Everest, swim across the English channel, recover from the clutches of death. It is this belief that makes lame men start walking again, the deaf and blind create history. What would Helen Keller do pray... if her teacher and her parents had told her to just be realistic. What would Lance Armstrong do if his heart had told him to be realistic... he can never start cycling again let alone win.


Maybe one day we'll start believing in ourselves.

Maybe one day I'll start believing in myself.

Maybe.

G.K. Chesterton once said: "The men who really believe in themselves are all in lunatic assylums."

Maybe, We'll see the truth then.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

: Not being catty, silly

Things I've been doing lately:

Listening to Mika ( not controversial-kisser silly... Mika as in the one whose album is called Life in cartoon motion).

Telling anyone who cares to listen that Beethoven and Bach are so much better than Tchaikovsky and Mozart.

Jogging every alternate morning... and then being rather pleased with myself consuming double the calories and hence gaining pounds.

Not reading fiction.

Comparing the editorials of the various newspapers. Here's the order:

The Telegraph
Hindustan Times
The Statesman
Times of India

On Sundays however... the TOI editorials are fantastic.

Watching too many movies

Pans Labyrinth
Hard Candy
Music and Lyrics
Clockwork orange
Requiem for a Dream
American Beauty
Volver
The Last King of Scotland
Spiderman 3
Life in a Metro
In her shoes
Holiday
Haven
Babel


And all this in a week.
I know this aint a record. But it really is considering how much I've been doing lately.

Anyway... got to rush now.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

:Wisdom. Aha!

Oh what a wonderfully strange thing! I have grown a wisdom tooth. Does that mean I am wiser? Does that mean I am more mature (even though I already am). Nay! Then why in the world is it called wisdom tooth? Because it grows when we are older and wiser? Then it presumes that we are wiser when we are older which is not really accurate. Oh. I wonder!